10 Years Gone   16 comments

“Sometimes I feel like I just sort of let life take me wherever it wanted. I didn’t take any responsibility, you know… I just kind of coasted. I should’ve done things different.”

I wrote something completely different before this, but I decided to delete it all and start over. I feel like talking to someone, even if I’m just talking to myself.

I’m about to go into my senior year of college and I’ve been thinking excessively about how old I am now. Every day when I look in the mirror, I zoom in on my new forehead wrinkle. It seems like I just woke up with it one day, but that obviously isn’t what really happened. I just didn’t notice it until it was permanent. It creeped up on me. Maybe that’s why it bothers me so much. It makes me feel like time is creeping up on me. All of a sudden I’m 21. Tomorrow I might be 30. What have I been doing with my life?

Sometimes it feels like I was at my friend Alexa’s house making a Club Penguin account yesterday. It’s bizarre. I wish I could go back and do things differently. But the problem is, even if I could go back, who’s to say I wouldn’t do exactly what I’m doing now? It’s like, have I really learned anything?

For example. College is almost over, and I have nothing to show for it. I wanted to use those years to make progress. I was gonna get healthy and get rid of my social anxiety. But I wasted them on random things like watching Netflix. I guess I tried to do too many things at once.

My social anxiety caused me to isolate myself and not have any friends, which was one of the reasons I needed CPAF. But now, I know I need real friends. I’m supposed to be practicing certain things to get over my social anxiety, but I don’t have a lot of time left in this environment with social opportunities everywhere. After I graduate, it’s going to be harder. I’ll be working a 9-to-5 job, and then I’ll probably be too tired to do things after work, and soon everyone starts getting married and having kids and then it’s like no one has time for friends anymore.

I didn’t realize this for a long time, or I didn’t think it applied to me, but life has a certain pattern that people follow. You get a job, get married, have kids, and that’s that. If you don’t get it right, you wind up bitter and lonely. You don’t belong anywhere. I’m worried that if I keep isolating myself, that will happen to me.

It seems like other people have anchors. They have established social circles, career goals, and significant others. While everyone else was hitting their developmental milestones, socializing and having friends and dating, I was at home reading internet articles. So I feel unprepared. I have no anchor, I’m drifting.

It’s also a waste of potential. I know it’s vain, but I thought when I was younger that I was special. I thought I would “contribute” something meaningful. Instead, I haven’t really accomplished anything. People who aren’t as smart as me are doing better than me. I’m running out of time to do something with my life. I’m rapidly becoming old and irrelevant.

My mind is stuck on this, “I could have done things differently but now it’s too late.” I just want to stop this from happening anymore. How can I avoid wasting the next 10 years?

There’s a giant gulf between who I want to be and who I am. I’ve degenerated into something so far below what I thought I was capable of that it’s making me stop and re-evaluate everything.

It might have to do with this pattern of mine. I’ll get all motivated and excited about something, celebrate with some impulsive pleasure-seeking behavior, resolve to do things differently starting tomorrow… and then fall back into old habits. I sustained this continually because I thought I had so much time. “You have time,” people always say. What a perfect formula for wasting your life.

Looking back, I never really took responsibility for my life. I kept waiting for someone to give me permission to do what I really wanted to do. I treated my life like it didn’t matter.

But, all the little things that didn’t matter created my current state.

I just finished watching this Netflix series (the irony) called Bloodline, and it had this great line. “Sometimes I feel like I just sort of let life take me wherever it wanted. I didn’t take any responsibility, you know… I just kind of coasted. I should’ve done things different.”

Yeah, that’s me.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted January 1, 2017 by dani in Uncategorized

After all these years…   5 comments

Yeah I totally stole that title from a Legend of Korra episode.

 

So.

 

If you are reading this, and did not hear

 

WE ARE GETTING THE BAND BACK TOGETHER!

 

We (Snowyowl, Dani, Spike) are currently in the process of tracking down as many old members from this website as we can to organize a chat reunion (which people have asked for forever) in celebration of the upcoming 10-year anniversary.

 

If you see this, please, stop by this chat: http://xat.com/CPAFReunion

 

We could really use your help tracking down more people, and it would be nice to catch up.

 

Make sure to also leave contact info below (email would be best).

 

Thanks,

-Snowy

 

Posted April 30, 2016 by dani in Uncategorized

A Walk Through Childhood   10 comments

So, I’ve done a lot of thinking about this site recently, my memories of it. And I came to the realization: the 10 year anniversary of its creation is coming up next January.

I dont know if that seems as jarring to anyone else, but an entire decade has passed.

And that got me thinking further – we are the first generation with the ability to revisit these things whenever we want.

Because our generation was the internet generation, we can find traces of our activities dating back to age 12.

And its strange.

It feels like it was so long ago, and you gotta wonder where some of these people are now, what they are up to.

So – a bit of a request to anyone who sees this (at any point) –

I’d like you to leave a comment, because I think it would be interesting.

Who are you now, vs who you were back when this all went down (2007-2010)?

What are you up to now? Whats your job, major, etc.

I think it would be interesting, after all these years, to see what happened to people.

 

-Snow/John

__

Danielle/Db Penguin:

Hey guys. So maybe this will be like a little reunion if people see this. I would have liked to come back here all cool and impress you guys with my amazing life, like in the movies when the former nerd shows up to the high school reunion and everyone is like ohh shit because the nerd became super hot. And the former cool guy who was mean to the nerd is all bald and divorced. But I’m still lame. And bald. Hopefully you guys are leading less depressing lives though so tell us about it.

 

Posted April 12, 2016 by dani in Uncategorized

  2 comments

treadmill

Posted March 21, 2015 by dani in Uncategorized

  12 comments

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Posted March 20, 2015 by dani in Uncategorized

Surprises, Confusion & Memories…   9 comments

Ok let’s clear some things up…I didn’t leave or quit purposely…many of u r probably saying “he left…he quit!”…I didn’t…I had a P.C..it crashed.got it fixed…crashed again (gotta love P.C right?)…I finally got a mac for Christmas so no more crashes lol. Second thing is I have noo idea what the new websites are…The only sites I know are the 33509chat.wordpress and dbpenguin.wordpress.com….which are almost inactive. The only chat box I know is the xat 33509 (andd I’m prettty sure thats not the main chat).  Ok and the green day lyrics are about wishing the past was back into the present…but heres something from an unknown poet…

Great Times from the Past are Gone

New Memories Are Bound to Come

But When at a Beach, Always Look at the Water Infront of You

Because The Sand  is Renewing

Let me explain that..You can recreate new memories and great times…but you have to stop looking into the past, you have to stay with the present and future, to add on to that past of great times. Because just as a beach renews its sand, you remake and add  on to your memories. Youth lasts through memories. Memories are made by you. You make your memories every day.

~Gamemastor96~

(ik this sites now for all to see what was and how CPAF is gone but not forgotten..but I just had to say that I’m not gone..so you can erase this because it has nothing to do with cpaf lol)

p.s…happy new years and Could soome1 leave a comment on what the new chat nd website is??

Posted December 31, 2009 by gamemastor in 1356

Hall of Fame   34 comments

CPAF was established February 2007

~~~

“I want to apologize to all of you who i insulted and been mean to in the past. i really didnt stay there for the army. i stayed for the people that was in it. just like how i stay here now. I am hoping that eventually everyone will come back but i know they wont.

i will probably forget about all of this eventually. all i can wish is that you all wont. we wasnt the biggest army in clubpenguin. we wasnt the best. we didnt win the most wars. but we had friend ship within the army. unlike most armies.” 123log

~~~

“Dani” Db Penguin

“Game” Gamemastor96

“Cody” Aang777

“Noah” Fishguitar11

“Jon” Jonnyboy43

“Sean” Snowprince13

“Chad” The Hunter45

Bulbey

Bacon Rulez

“John” Snowyowl

Gargle24

Yoshisrock

Spade13

“Not just some piece of firewood” 123log

“Will” Akash13

“Jay” Gagdon

Spike116

ROBO 94

Afm BOT

“Chao” Zombiedude18

“Jen” Soccerjl

“Izzy” Ooojj2

“Gabe” GTBK

“Anime” Leaf Monkey

“Jack” Agent923

Venomous777

Liquidcorn

“Wil” Incredbel

Lugiaxd20

Dean687

Freezcon

Catisme

Ard906789

Brajatk

Aqua Neos99

Xavier Z

Pancake101

~~~

Posted July 1, 2009 by dani in 1356